Hilarious Pilot Announcement From This Morning

It’s pretty normal for pilots to try and crack jokes during their welcome aboard announcements. Admittedly it’s more common on Southwest some airlines than others, but it happens on just about all of them if you fly enough.

For the most part the jokes all run along similar lines, though; very rarely are they original. Which is why I have to give the captain of this morning’s flight between Los Angeles and Dallas some credit. His welcome aboard started with the following (all spoken with a thick Texas accent):

“Folks, thanks for joining us at this ungodly hour, which should be reserved for sleeping or duck hunting. When my alarm went off this morning I didn’t want to get up, but then I remembered I have a smoking hot redhead wife who always makes me buy her things. And kids who want birthday presents. Even though they’re adults. So I got out of bed. Like the rest of us. Thanks for joining us.”

Well played, captain… well played!

Have you heard any hilarious pilot announcements lately?


  1. You know what was well played? The catfight exchange between The Points Guy and you yesterday. #teamonemileatatime. Video was deleted off his IG but I was really enjoying that banter. Are you leaving LA already? T-swizzle has 5 concerts lined up in LA this weekend!

  2. Landing my flight on Delta Tuesday, the pilot said, “We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we’ve enjoyed taking you for a ride.” I think the joke was missed by most people.

  3. Gate announcements by a American Eagle agent on the plane went something like this;

    If you’re going to Austin, Texas Gate K4
    If you’re going to Los Angeles Gate H11
    If you’re going to Nashville Gate G8
    If you’re going to Northwest Arkansas, Don’t. No I am kidding, Gate G3

    I laughed.

  4. Haha! TOO funny!! A humorous captain is welcome in my book! I think it makes everyone relax and feel some sort of comfort prior to the flight. Numerous times I’ve had the chance to speak to a few captains and they are so cool to talk to as they share some of their flights and experiences throughout the day. And as always, I thank them for what they do – their eyes tends to light up because it’s rare they get approached or thank for!

  5. I had one recently where the flight crew followed the usual “in the event of emergency, follow the directions of a uniformed crew member” with “so if Julie (a stewardess) is naked, don’t listen to her.”

    Another was during preparing to land, the flight crew announced “now that we’re preparing to land, we’re happy to tell you we have a promotion with Apple this month, one of you has a $100 iTunes gift card in your seat back!” After everyone instantly starts to look through their seat-back, “We’re just kidding, but while you’re all there you can remove any trash or cups you find, and pass them to the aisle.”

  6. So sexist! !! The wife should buy her own presents. Why make the man work at a job he doesn’t like only so he can buy her gifts.

  7. I have had this exact same captain make the same exact announcement on one of my flights before.

  8. @credit – if the wife bought things for herself, they wouldn’t be “presents”, now would they? And at no point did he say he didn’t like his job. No matter how much you may like your job, there’s just days you want to stay in bed, especially if you have to get up at “oh dark thirty”. Methinks thou dost protesteth overmuch…

  9. “Folks, you really picked the wrong day to fly. We will be flying through an extended area of low pressure and heavy winds and the flight over here was a real mess. I suggest to skip the tomato juice today. Welcome aboard.”

    I laughed.

  10. A few years ago, after a heavy landing at Brisbane:

    “Ladies & Gentlemen, we’ve just hit Brisbane. Please remain seated while the Captain taxis what’s left of the aircraft to the terminal gate. After a landing like that, items in the overhead lockers will definitely have moved, so be very careful when opening the locker doors”

  11. @Marlene, I’ve heard that same line multiple times on Southwest. You are right that a lot of people miss the joke.

    Is it just me, or has Southwest really had a decline in its humor quotient over the last few years?

  12. I had a Southwest flight attendant say: “Buckle your seatbelts folks. We’re about to go so fast that we’re gonna fly.”

  13. I had a Captain on my Southwest flight from OAK to LAX say something along these lines…

    “Folks, glad to have you onboard. In case you’re wondering how we pick our Flight Attendants, we line them all up in a hanger in Dallas and we all the pilots have to come and choose.on a first-come first-served basis. As you can see, I didn’t do so well because I had slept in that day.”

    To which the Flight Attendant replies….

    “Now you know why we keep that flight deck door closed at all times. You wouldn’t be able to get to your destination otherwise.”

  14. @Marlene @Kenneth “We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we’ve enjoyed taking you for a ride.” I don’t consider myself dumb, but I think I missed this one too lol.

  15. WestJet, after a hard landing:
    “Please remain seated until the smoke dissipates and the alarm bells stop ringing. Enjoy your stay in Vancouver.”

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