“Do you have any sensitive areas we should know about?”

If you’re a regular at the TSA massage parlor, I’m sure you’ve heard that question once or twice before. After requesting a pat down (and a private one at that) you’re escorted to a private screening room and given the pat down.

The Transportation Security Officer explains what they’ll be doing to you (“I’ll be running my hand up your inner leg until I reach resistance” is no doubt my favorite part) and then asks whether there are any sensitive areas they should know about.

“Sensitive” is a pretty vague term, if you ask me. Obviously if you’re disabled, have a medical condition, or are bruised, you would state your situation. But as far as I’m concerned, asking if someone has “sensitive” areas is opening themselves up to a bit more information.

So, let me honestly ask, has anyone shared a “sensitive” area with a TSO that has made a private patdown even more uncomfortable?

I’m not suggesting anything, per se, but there are plenty of potential “sensitive areas” that I think it’s reasonable to share with a TSO… and I’m fairly certain the reaction would be priceless.



  1. What would be weirder is if, when they ask that, you were still feeling the effects of the Cialis dose you had just before you left home.

  2. I usually say something like “my whole body when strangers are involved.” For some reason, the TSO’s do not find that as funny as I do.

  3. When they tell me they are going to feel until they meet resistance, I always tell them that I don’t have resistance, but that I have testicles and a penis. And are they going to feel my testicles? Usually, they are speechless after that exchange. My wife just rolls her eyes..

  4. Really to be honest all of these protests against the TSA from RIGHT wingers are quite hollow, do they prefer the Israeli security system when you could find yourself arrested or not allow to enter the country or leave when you want and never to be told the Reason? Where were all you people when the RIGHT wing US Supreme Court decisions on stop & search and police powers were coming down the pike 20 years ago? Oh, now its an issue when it affects white americans but otherwise it was OK with you, give me a F–ing break!

  5. “That whole are is pretty sore – the boyfriend and I haven’t seen each other in a few weeks.”

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