Ukraine Airlines’ Buy On Board Food Menu Is The Funniest Thing You’ll See Today

Tiffany and I are soon taking our crazy trip on Aeroflot, Air Serbia, AZAL Azerbaijan, and Ukraine Airlines. I’m not sure which segment I’m most excited about. With a list like that, how do you even choose?

Our Ukraine Airlines itinerary has been interesting before the trip even started, as a few weeks ago the airline sent us a schedule change notice from some weird email address suggesting that the date of our flight was moved by a day. However, the airline doesn’t even operate a flight on the date they suggest we’re flying. My follow-up emails haven’t received a response.

So in the process of trying to pull up our reservations on Ukraine’s pretty crappy website, Tiffany noticed they now list their buy on board food options, which you can pre-order. The selection is extensive and looks pretty decent, though that’s not why I’m pointing out the page.

The description of the food is the real show-stopper. Some of the descriptions are incredible. For example, does this sound like the most delicious yogurt with granola, or what?

Tender yogurt with crunchy granola on top is a real waterfall of taste and emotions.

Or if you’re more in the mood for cottage cheese, how about this?

Fresh aromatic cottage cheese is baked until golden brown and raisins with the sun taste.

ukraine-airlines

There are dozens of options, and many of them have amazing descriptions.

What I can’t quite figure out is whether these descriptions were written in another language and they simply used Google Translate to write those in English, or if they hired someone who actually thought those descriptions make sense.

Regardless, I’m not even trying to pick on UIA here, but rather the descriptions had me laughing out loud. The world needs more laughter, so hopefully others get as much enjoyment out of them as I do.

Even though we’re in business class, maybe we should still pre-order some of the above. After all, how can you turn down tender yogurt that’s a real waterfall of emotions?

Comments

  1. Ben wrote: “but rather the descriptions had me laughing out loud.”

    You know the communists at Google Translate say “out loud” is correct.
    Well, it’s not. It’s “aloud”, kiddo. lol

    Great article, nevertheless!

  2. The menu itself is truly amazing in variety and price… Duck breast entree for €7, steak with grilled vegatables for €10? I’ll take that for the price on any US carrier!

  3. Oh boy, nothing like a privileged, white American guy making fun of how foreigners speak English. I guess you conducted yourself this way toward the slaves who served you in SE Asia too?

  4. I will not buy any sort of dried fruit unless I know I can taste the emotions. Some may say “wow, entitled spoiled white guy” but that’s just how I rollz

  5. Best pre-order menu I’ve ever had was Air Berlin. Seriously tasty caprese salad with cured ham and tiramisu. Perhaps it was 12eur, but well worth it. Not sure why the American carriers can’t bring that level of service to economy as it was all preordered. I’d pay the extra $$ for quality food.

  6. @Sara – if they work in the travel industry they should have flawless English. Or at least try not to create their own idioms. I am not a native English speaker myself, however I’ve also laughed at those translations. Slaves in SE Asia ? From what I’ve heard people who work in hotels and airlines there actually make quite good living.

  7. @Grzegorz — I promise you, the people who waited on Lucky and Ford hand and food at Aman Resort don’t make in a year what he paid for one night there. I’d call that slavery.

    @Adam — I don’t think that is always true, actually. My brother is gay and doesn’t expect special treatment, and I know many gays who are happy simply not to face discrimination. I think Lucky’s entitlement derives more from growing up rich, being treated like a VIP everywhere he goes these days, and the people who brown nose him in comments on here. Traveling around the world as a white male (one who appears straight, Lucky definitely doesn’t “look” gay) gives him a great deal of privilege, in and of itself.

  8. First I was gong to make some comment about how this puts ‘Book The Cook’ to shame, but I am utterly shocked at @Sara’s presumptuousness and ill-informed opinions. I won’t even begin, because it’s 2016 and I’ll be labeled with white-male privilege. Even though I’m not white, nor a male. Sara – get half a clue before you spew such opinionated hatred. Don’t bother replying – I won’t be checking this thread again, but your holier-than-thou damnations of others sure must make you a lot of fun to be around. Not.

  9. @Ben – perhaps you should consider moderating comments before publishing. Some pretty ugly ad hominem attacks. Your skin is thick enough, to be sure, but it must be hurtful for family and loved ones to read.

  10. Long time readers know Ben wasn’t born into anything–he earned it. Hard work requires no apology.

  11. @Seattle Rick and Benjamin: I am so sorry to see that you’re in distress. Some things could be really, really, rrrrreally hurtful! I speak from personal experience because my son Seth had been bullied at school before. How dare those other neighborhood rugrats call my sweet child all those ugly names like, gay and f***** and what have you. The Dooley boys, I can tell you are none of that. Like my husband, they are straight as an arrow, mmok? Well I hope you both have a good rest of the evening because you’re such a cute couple, Rick and Benjamin. We need to see more gays in popular media these days, because I just can’t enough of that television show Will & Grace!

  12. @Sara – tough luck. I do not see anything bad in buying nice things for oneself if you can afford it. I sometimes sell plane tickets worth more than my year’s salary. Is it slavery? Absolutely not. Also – how do you know this ? How do you know how much he paid? How do you know the salaries of people working there ? Probably they do not earn as much as people in Europe or the US, but maybe they are considered privileged in their country? It is not as simple as you put it. Because – if I understood correctly – you’re calling for equalising all incomes. We’ve already had a political system like that, it also promised “equal distribution of wealth”. 27 years after it’s fault my country is still recovering. It was called communism. Also, saying that somebody does not “look gay” is just as homophobic as saying that “somebody looks gay”. As for growing up rich – maybe he grew up in an affluent family but so what? Should he apologise for that ? And do not forget the traditional “I’m sorry for being white” that most of SJW seem to want to force out of white people these days.

  13. @Seattle Eric – Lucky doesn’t moderate probably because it’s entertaining to sit there and read while people humiliate themselves with stupid comments (Sara, looking at you)

  14. American food is shit. Burgers, fries and fried chicken. Most of the great food had been brought by immigrants here.

    Give them time. They will learn to be smug ding dongs like Americans as well.

  15. Wow Lucky, your comments section is getting really really good these days! Lately I’ve been ALOL while reading some of the comments here. (Your content is occasionally funny, for example this post but it still doesn’t compare to many comments posted by others here). It’s gotten to the point where I’m not even sure when someone is actually trolling anymore, as opposed to just trying their hand at some hilarious (usually extremely sarcastic) comedy. I think it would be great if you’d do weekly posts summing up some of the best comments for the enjoyment of your readers. I mean all of this completely seriously btw, for example there’s a thread on DDF which points out some of the better comments posted on the DDMS and everyone gets a good laugh.

  16. @Sara — Are you suggesting Lucky should feel guilty about his travels/lifestyle because it somehow exploits people who work in the hospitality industry (or that he should not travel at all, even though this travel blog is his profession)? Perhaps these service industry “slaves” that you refer to would magically earn a much better living if no one traveled at all? While there may be a large income disparity between high-end travelers like Ben/Lucky and most typical service staff, travel is a way to broaden one’s perspective and also create jobs (elsewhere).

    By God’s grace, I have a fairly high-paying job now, but remember working morning room service at a small hotel over 30 years ago. Most people are smart enough to go after the best job that they can get, regardless of the status you or others wish to assign to it.

  17. Waterfall of taste and emotions….yum…almost made me cry..Lol:-)

    I came across a review of Ukraine Business Class:

    https://flyfinndotorg.wordpress.com/2014/06/20/ukraine-international-airline/

    Apparently it’s as good as the Concorde/the old Pan Am….. 🙂 (The way this review was glowing and “flowing with emotions” made me think that it’s the same guy that wrote the menu) 🙂

    @Sara and @Adam —Get over it. Ben works hard for what he’s accomplished. I myself am not rich…am proudly Gay….but I do treat myself to a First Class/Business Class vacation from time to time but I do it cheaply with miles/points….that doesn’t mean I don’t do volunteer work and charity work. I actually do a lot to help out numerous charities and fundraising for different causes….doing un-informed generalizations on other people is just plain rude. No need to get upset just because you choose not to enjoy what life has to offer…that’s your choice. My choice is to collect miles and fly First Class… Lol 🙂

  18. @sara you don’t need to speak on behalf of Southeast Asian service sector employees. Several of my family members work in hotels and restaurants in southeast Asia, and while their pay is low compared to Americans, they are happy to have jobs. It’s also not the customers who decide on the pay they get, it’s their employers, which is a matter of policy and politics and not the fault of the customers, even the rich ones who can afford to stay at very high-end hotels or eat at high-end restaurants. Without the customers, my family would have no jobs. They are not slaves, stop stereotyping low-wage earners as such, and neither do they feel exploited.

    And no, I did not read into Ben making fun of Ukrainian English, I also found the descriptions to be interesting and enticing.

  19. I am Ukrainian and find this hilarious! The same description is provided in the Ukrainian version and it’s just as funny!

  20. @Adam Klein

    Forgot there is one more protected class J which makes him 100x more entitled than any average white guy.

  21. Forget the food with UIA… if i’m not flying C with them (food is a miss or hit… but overall average) i love their panini style sandwich. On short haul, they only offer a glass of water. The pre-order meals are not tasty from experience, but in the last month they tried to improve…

    The C class on short haul is poor (especially on the old 735). They have received new 738 and they are nice but the food is really average.

    On long haul, the C class is just a pain… i don’t even understand why you fly with them long haul. Their 767 are old, tired, not confortable, food is so so, no entertainment etc etc.

    The C lounge in KBP is big with a nice view over the runway but nothing else… (confortable smoking room for smokers, only positive thing in my case).

    My tip : contact them on Facebook, they answer in a matter of minute and are much better than the team by email (i have managed upgrades, change dates, etc in the Facebook messenger).

  22. So many trolls commenting; from the redneck Meliisa to the self hated Ms Björk and the rest… Have a Xanax and get. away. from. THIS BLOG

  23. I can’t say for sure of this was the funniest thing I saw today. But the title you used was the most eye-rolling example of clickbait I saw today. And I visit Buzzfeed, so that’s saying something.

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