More Than I Wanted To Know About Craigslist “Massages” Near Heathrow…

So I landed at Terminal 4 at Heathrow Airport earlier, then took the bus to Terminal 5, because I’m spending the night at the Sofitel. The Sofitel is connected to Terminal 5 by walkway, so as usual I took some pictures as I was going down the walkway.

A guy passed me, and said “You’re going to the Sofitel? You still have quite a ways to go.” I laughed, and assumed that was the end of it.

sofitel-heathrow

Then he stopped me and started talking. “Did you land here, or where are you coming from?”

“I landed at Terminal 4 and took the bus here, which took about 20 minutes.”

“Well you know there’s a Hilton at Terminal 4, stay there next time.”

“Yeah, I’ve stayed there before, but wanted to try something new. I’ve heard this hotel is nicer.”

Up until this point it seemed like a normal conversation, perhaps except for the fact that the conversation started to begin with.

And then things took a turn for the… strange.

“Do you like massages?”

“Yeah, I love massages.”

“Well you can get really cheap massages around here.”

“Oh, where?”

Let me clarify at this point that I thought we were talking about legitimate massages. There’s nothing I love more than going to Chinatown or Thai Town and getting a cheap, good (legitimate) massage. I figured maybe there was a cheap massage place somewhere near the Sofitel, which I may have been interested in.

“Well go onto Craigslist, there are lots of people near Heathrow. But when they come to your room just make sure you meet them in the lobby, because they need a key to get in the elevator. I learned the hard way. Do you care if it’s a guy or girl?”

“Oh….”

rhony

“Well I recommend going with a guy. They’re cheaper, and they actually do a better job. Just close your eyes when they finish, and you won’t even know it’s a guy. It’s not like it’s romantic.”

rhonj

Comments

  1. Spookily I’m in the same hotel tonight.

    That isn’t me offering you a massage though !

    Don’t bother with the club …

  2. You never know, you might be getting… “Lucky” tonight.

    *I’m sorry. I’ll leave now.
    *The door is over here? No?
    *Ok, I’ll just sit here then.

  3. That’s pretty funny. Although I think you’d get quite a lot of attention for a review series of the sketchy massages of Heathrow! “Happy ending with Antonio in 10 pictures….”

    Might be quite useful for some business travelers!

  4. Ohhhhhh, happy ending!!!! My mother always told me since i was little: “Never talk to strangers!!!” 🙂

  5. This is the second time Lucky. I would really start changing your body language.

    After 2 exchanges with a stranger I have met in public, I always shift from an open stance to a closed one with both toes pointed in the direction I was going. If that does not work I with half step or full step away keeping head and upper body so I an keep eyeballs on the stranger. I have also kept walking when I’m told there is a great distance to traverse. They might be being helpful or they might be informing you that there is no help close by for an intimidation con.

    One thing to realize is that criminals have radically changed tactics since gate areas are now boarding pass only. Once you are outside security you are in the area criminals can play now.

  6. @lucky — Ha, I suppose so…I guess I’m just trying to scrub what he actually means out of my mind. Sorry that this story didn’t have a happy ending…

  7. Maybe you just look like you have to pay for it, lol.

    But craigslist?
    That’s where the police are always catching people in the US.
    Especially the ones who mention “Tina.”
    It becomes a prostitution bust and a meth bust in one.
    I look around on there for a good laugh every once in awhile.
    I was trying to price a rental apartment and found a landlord offering a room for $400 per month or $350 if you let him perform weekly sex on you.
    Wow, that saves $12.50 per week. what a deal.

  8. Well you told the Rolling Stone that you got an involuntary handjob on an airplane. Is a happy ending massage that much different?

  9. There are still a couple of open questions. 1) Can you redeem miles for massages at Heathrow after all? 2) Does the economy mileage redemption include happy ending, or only the premium redemption?

  10. Ben, I used to be an avid reader of your post. I remember the days of valuable content. Nowadays, I think you’ve lost your mojo. (See: this post or the one about your friend hiding in the closet. Should I go on?) I hope you find the spirit (not airlines) to come up with some better posts soon. Hopefully these new posts will include actual travel tips or strategies to enhance our airplane and hotel experiences.

  11. “Just close your eyes when they finish”

    OHMYGOSH

    I can’t believe a random guy at an airport said that to you!!

  12. Ben, you’re losing your touch! You forgot to recommend which credit card would be the best to put your massage spend on!

    I’d have to vote for the Chase Freedom Unlimited, which would give you 1.5x UR points per dollar spent (or 2.25 if paired with the Chase Sapphire Reserve) or possibly the Citi Double Cash or Fidelity 2% card. That’s 4 referral links you could have posted.

  13. If it happened to Inspector Clousseau, it can happen to anyone. Don’t you try these tricks Anglais with me, monsieur.

  14. About the quality of the posts, I wholeheartedly disagree with J. I think the content is as good as ever. You have many posts during the day, and somehow they are consistently well done. These off-beat posts are highly welcome, as well. They give your blog a touch of personality and show your sass. Please don’t be bullied into watering your blog down into something boring.

  15. On the post, I strongly disagree with J. This is a travel blog, not The Economist. Posts like this add color and make it more fun to read. Keep up the good work!

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