Most Glorious People’s Republic Of Korea Unveils World’s Best Airport Terminal

Earlier this week Delta CEO Richard Anderson got some (undeserved) flak over on View From The Wing for declaring in front of leaders of the Detroit business community that Detroit Metropolitan Airport was the “world’s best.”

However, yesterday His Supreme and Mighty All-Powerful Leader and Best Basketball Player in the World, Kim Jong Un, unveiled a gleaming new two-story terminal at Pyongyang International Airport which is unquestionably the world’s best, putting capitalist airport terminals to shame, and likely sending Akbar Al-Baker into tears.

Most glorious People's Leader inspecting world's best airport
Most glorious People’s Leader inspecting world’s best airport

Kim Jong Un inspected the terminal himself. Per the Korean Central News Agency:

After getting down through an air bridge, he went round the newly-built terminal.

He was very satisfied to see the terminal well built as required by modern architectural beauty and national character.

He noted with pleasure that the gatepost of the airport was erected in such way as to sustain the national character and the front and back of the terminal look very nice.

Adds the Los Angeles Times:

[P]hotos show leader Kim Jong Un inspecting rather swanky amenities that include a jewelry store, a pharmacy and a coffee bar with — is that a chocolate fountain?…

Photos of the facility showed at least 12 check-in counters; an immigration desk featuring modern, automated, glass entry gates; a clothing shop; a gift shop; a duty-free store; and several restaurants. There also was a newsstand stocked with what looked like magazines and North Korean flags. Travelers will have use of luggage carts.

Pyongyang International, which is a hub for the world’s most luxurious airline, Air Koryo, is sure to compete and win over travelers bound for Asia and connecting on to the rest of the world — and in particular, travelers who have found that Singapore Changi and Hong Kong International lack the chocolate fountains they have come to expect from world-class facilities.

It is expected Pyongyang's new terminal will have a chocolate fountain the color of dissident's blood
It is expected Pyongyang’s new terminal will have a chocolate fountain the color of dissident’s blood

After all, where the indulgent, imperialist swine behind Korean Air punished an executive for berating a flight attendant serving nuts out of a bag, Air Koryo has a policy where such errant flight attendants are executed on the spot. Talk about efficient service!

Rumor has it Frontier Airlines is seriously interested in a Denver-Pyongyang nonstop, since Air Koryo and Frontier, unique among global airlines, share a commitment to customer service, top-notch in-flight catering, online booking and a world-renowned frequent flyer program. Of course, Frontier hasn’t loaded their schedule yet

Comments

  1. There’s not a single sentence in this post I found the last bit humorous or witty. Sounds as if a 17 yr old kid wrote it.

  2. I think the dear leader said something like “they hate us cause they anus” when discussing other inferior air terminals. (apologies to lopere for sounding like a 17 year old kid. I think that was the point of the post. It’s called “sense of humor”)

  3. @Peter – for the million+ visitors/tourists they’re expecting. Taking a page from Ray Kinsella’s playbook: if you build it, they will come.

  4. a nice hilarious piece Nick, i like that you said what’s in your mind. that’s what we teach our kids, but then expect them to observe that we as adults actually dont do that. i like the 17 yrs old still being alive.
    I am asian and will not take offensive from people commenting on my cultural,racial background. what is offensive comments/remarks, anyway? you are an adult but cannot sleep if someone makes derogatory remarks about your race, religion or orientation?
    a good # of chinese have made trips to north korea, and it’s a different world. you will not believe if you see what they say about the western world. but whatever they say, it does not hurt anyone here I believe , so what’s that a person here cannot poke some harmless fun.

  5. @Bob: I don’t know, but probably someone who will be executed by a firing squad in the next 12-16 months?

  6. I read in another news story that the attractive woman in teal is actually the Dear Leader’s wife. Kind of a honey – maybe that’s the real reason why Rodman keeps going back for the occasional visit…

  7. Agree w/ lopere.
    Lame, dull and witless.
    Total waste of my three minutes which includes writing time for this.

  8. Another thought.
    I suggest this site come up w/ a way to easily identify the post writer (like putting the author’s pic on the post) so I can just skip lame posts like this.

  9. @Sam – you need look no further than the line immediately below the title, where it has the date and name of the author. Seems easy enough to me.

  10. @Sam Leave all of us Nick fanboys alone so we can appreciate his humor in peace. 😉 Thanks

  11. Ben, me – and I am sure a lot of blog readers – would like to see you, figuratively, take the grenade by flying to North Korea to check out this super-advanced airport, and then write a review about it. Hell, you never know … the exalted one/hoops prodigy/nuclear-armed most revered leader might be a big fan of your blog. Have you considered that …. ?

    Come on Ben …. Pyongyang or Bust!

    But if you do, please be careful and come back on time and alive. Don’t do any of the ‘The Interview’ shenanigans. I still would like to see your review of Garuda Indonesia First Class.

  12. @Nick

    The first photo you use in this piece has a sign in back written in Chinese and Roman letters with no Korean writing at all. Since the People’s Democratic Dictatorship of Korea doesn’t permit the use of any Chinese writing mixed in with Korean Hangeul, it breaks the narrative illusion and suspension of disbelief you’re working on.

    Also, I expect Nork airport terminals are actually pretty nice in one essential way since crowding won’t be an issue. Too bad Frontier doesn’t have any advantages anymore.

  13. Obviously, like many other photos of Kim Jong, this is a fake. Just google Kim Jong fake photos.

  14. @Sam & the likes,

    yo cannot reads the line below title, the site should post a photo & i will send yo a magnifier so it’s easier… also need to screen & spoon feed appropriate content for these 17 yrs olds.

  15. Found the underlying story of interest, but the the way this article was written tries too hard to be funny using sarcasm and achieves the exact opposite desired outcome. Or, maybe not…

    Sometimes I feel as though this blog tries too hard to be edgy to create buzz. This isn’t reddit or 4chan.

  16. Lucky did get shut down after posting something bad about the “best place ever”, notice the quotes! He posted something about air koryo, and the site got hacked or something and he couldnt get in for three days. Probably anti-shutdown measures 😛

  17. Wow, what’s with all the negative comments for a lighthearted piece with some sarcasm on a Friday? People need to grab a drink, calm down and get a sense of humor (or go elsewhere). You guys would fit right in in RONK! That was pretty funny and his wifey is kind of cute!

  18. That man on the left isn’t smiling. Seems like someone bought himself a one-way ticket to a “re-education” center. By the way, ICN must be very afraid from competition against the Democratic, Anti-imperialist Airport of the Proletariat in Pyongyang…

  19. Love the article, Frontier airline move to fly there is definitely a direct take on differentiating and Positioning the market offering… ha ha

  20. @ Zach – Air China flies there every Monday and every Friday on a 737. Not knowing much about awards, you can try to snag a routing somehow from IAH – PEK – FNJ – PEK – IAH on Air China or LAX – NRT – BKK – PEK – FNJ as a Star Alliance award.

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