Why You Shouldn’t Eat Sugar Free Gummy Bears On A Plane

There’s no denying this has been a really emotional week in the airline industry, especially as more and more details of the Germanwings crash unfold.

While I’m not trying to downplay that, I do think a bit of laughter every once in a while is a good thing. Let me preface this by saying that the below is not totally suitable for work, so if you’re easily offended by bad language or don’t have the same sense of humor as a 12 year old, then please skip this post.

But there was a Reddit thread yesterday in the TIFU section (“Today I F*cked Up”), entitled “TIFU by eating gummy bears on a plane.”

Gummy-Bears

And I literally laughed so much when reading it that I had tears in my eyes. There’s something endearing about the horrible grammar combined with the innocence of the story that just makes it perfect. Here’s the first paragraph (and it only gets better from there):

I’ll cut to the chase by saying that once I got boarded on my flight to Florida I started to get a little hungry. No big deal I thought since I have some sugar less gummy bears to eat. (I know it sounds gross, but I’m hungry/trying to eat healthier). Well once I oppened the 1 pound bag of them immediately the teenager next to me asked if he could have some. I didn’t care because I talked to him once we were borded and he seemed pretty chill plus that bag was one pound and there was no way I was going to do it by myself.

Perhaps better than the Reddit thread itself are the Amazon reviews of Haribo sugar free gummy bears. Amazing!!!

Hopefully some of you have a similar sense of humor to me, and found this as funny as I did.

(Tip of the hat to Tocqueville)

Comments

  1. Lucky, you are a bad,bad man for posting this.

    Laughed so much from the first amazon review I had problems with breathing, you were right about the tears flowing.

    Artificial sweeteners, been there done that. Just not so extreme as this

  2. I forget which airline I was on, but I didn’t feel like paying for gogo, and the WiFi had limited access to shop on Amazon…..I spent the flight reading this Amazon review lol.

  3. And here is Amazon review from somebody who liked them

    The best thing that’s ever happened to me
    ByJ. Jilwanon February 25, 2015
    Size Name: 5 lb
    Forget sending spring loaded glitter bombs to your ex, haribo’s got you covered! It’s great, since it’s much sneakier than a glitter bomb as well. After many texts instructing me to go play in traffic as well as to go die in a fire I know it’s mission accomplished!

  4. It’s the sugar alcohols. Mannitol, sorbitol, maltitol, etc. Some people (ME!) cannot digest them properly. And I found out by eating an entire bag of sugar free somethings one night. For me it’s just, shall we say, bloating and excess “air” in my intestines, not anything worse than that. But it’s awful nonetheless and I can’t imagine being stuck on a plane in that condition.

    Ever eat Kashi Go Lean? Super tasty cereal, but has same effect on some people (ME!) even though it doesn’t appear to contain any sugar alcohols. It’s nickname is Gassy Go Lean.

  5. They can even help you to find religion

    HELP ME JESUS!!!
    ByWilliam Scotton January 24, 2015
    Size Name: 5 lb
    These gummy Bears are horrifying but they did save me from myself. As I headed into my 3 hour of what can only be described as NUCLEAR DIARRHEA. I started to cry out in pain. As I wondered what I did to deserve such pain I contemplated what I have done in my life. After thinks no about everyone of my sins I cryed out in pain as another contraction in my intestines came. My eyes started to water again and I yelled out to the sky for Jesus! I’m sorry lord! Im sorry for my sins. I know I have wronged you and your children. I promised if you get me threw this agony that I will spend the rest of my days serving you. Well after another hour of giving birth to the giant newborn of satan. I started to feel better. I then got up and went directly to the nearest church and confessed my sins to a priest and said the best prayer I’ve ever prayed.

  6. I did not believe in God growing up.

    Ate these sugar free gummy bears and got the equivalent of a water canon blowing out of my backend…

    I read the hotel bible while pushing it all out. I believed in God after. He must have been the one giving me strength to push through.

  7. Lucky, you deserve to be named Time’s Man of the Year for posting this! I have not laughed this hard in months!!! 😀

  8. Reminds me of when I was younger and our family were in a plane. Not sure where we were going since we traveled a lot but my sister (maybe around 4 at the time) started getting sick on the plane. We thought everything was going to be ok since we had just landed and was about to deboard. Well we were in economy in a single isle plane and as my sister was walking towards the front of the plane, she just started projectile vomiting… she put her head down and kept walking and left about a 6 foot trail of the most disgusting puke I have ever seen. I tried jumping over it and must have misjudged my jumping abilities as a kid and stepped all over it, splashing an elderly couple in the process. Needless to say, that’s one plane ride I won’t be forgetting and I’m sure neither will a lot of the other passengers.

  9. Thanks Ben..Hilarious!
    The Amazon review “My Dinner with Andrea” ..Whoa!
    I still haven’t finished it all the way through- had to take a rest for a minute, but it’s amazing.

  10. As usual, Americans are the most silly individuals in the world. I really don’t get the funny aspect of that story even considering that I have a good sense of humour. You’re really an idiot!

  11. There are tears in my eyes right now and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

    Best. Line. Ever: “The absolute second I finish my sentence the baby shoots liquid diarrhea out of it’s ass like it was being paid to do it”

    Absolute gold.

    @Maciel – You need to loosen up, so I’m sending you a 5lb, sorry, 2.27kb bag of Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears. Enjoy

  12. Lucky, the other day I was just lamenting that we have so many problems and worries as adults that I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard I was unable to breathe. Well, you fixed that problem. Thanks.

    Is this that British Airways that made emergency landing a couple of weeks due to bathroom issues?

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