How To Deal With Loud Sex In Hotels?

Confession time: I’m a germaphobe… and I live in hotels and on airplanes. But I have the ability to selectively tune things out.

That tea or coffee I’m drinking on a plane? Yeah, I try not to think about where the water is coming from. The sheets and toilet area in my hotel room? I try not to put too much thought into it. But there are some things you just can’t ignore…

Well, tonight is a new one for me. In the hotel room next to me, either there’s a rescue effort to save a beached whale, or two (or possibly more?) people are going at it for a really, really long time. Lets just say that the female has already had a three course meal, but is still hungry (or perhaps is being paid by the hour and trying to make “big daddy” feel good).

I’ve spent hundreds of nights in hotel rooms, but never have I heard something this loud…

There are cuffs. There’s stuff in peoples’ mouths (other than body parts). There’s “oh daddying.”

I. Just. Can’t. Deal.

What’s the correct protocol here? Earmuffs? Ask to switch rooms? Take a quick trip out of the hotel?

Comments

  1. This happened to us at an all-inclusive resort. We asked for connecting rooms with our 4 kids, but the hotel put the kids next to this loud couple doing the deed all night.
    The kids knocked on the door with “there are kids in the next room.” The noise got louder. The kids called front desk to have them call the room, the couple replied, “those kids were talking loudly last night, so it’s now our turn.”
    In the end, the hotel gave MY KIDS the option to move their room. Nothing further was said to the couple.
    Imagine our surprise waking up the next morning to find the kids’ room EMPTY and had no idea where they were.
    The hotel felt they were right about their decision because one of my kids was over 18.
    I made a big issue about it but management in Mexico didn’t care about our business.

  2. I’d say to take a short trip out of the hotel. Take a break from the loud moaning.

    This is a message to avoid Fukuoka’s Grand Hyatt which is right next to a red light zone!

  3. Any chance the noises next door were from an “adult film” the occupant(s) were watching on TV?

  4. What a bunch of prudes here. Seriously. It’s a hotel.

    If you want to change rooms fine, but don’t bug those enjoying themselves. They didn’t construct the walls.

  5. I was at a Hampton Inn in Los Angeles once and my neighbors were having very loud sex. I called the front desk (who in turn called the cops) when sex turned into angry screams and what sounded like items being thrown in the room. No clue what they were up to but they were kicked out shortly after I called.

  6. @hkairlinenews I guess then from your PSA that the name of the Fukuoka Grand Hyatt is a bit serendipitous. 🙂

  7. Happened to us 44 years ago on our honeymoon. Long, long story not worth going into but all 44 of those years later, we get a good laugh about it, You will too.

  8. Switch rooms for the night, and check out the next day. You need a room with better sound insulation. Don’t want your neighbors complaining about you the next day! 😉

  9. Don’t you have some nice Bose noise cancelling headphones? Haha. Head to the hotel bar or out for a bit. Just remember to check with him in the morning to make sure he used a points earning credit card to pay for her…

  10. I think the correct etiquette is to live-tweet their escapades, and later recap it with a blog post. 🙂

  11. So much fun you could have had. Record their escapades and load it on Youtube. Call management and tell them you smell smoke coming from their room. Knock on their door and ask if you can join them (if they say “sure”, then you know it’s time to change rooms, because those freaks will be up for anything). Have room service deliver some whipped cream to their room. Hey, get your shits and giggles when you can…

  12. That was just me shooting a film. Remember that *every* surface in your room has been fully utilized.

    Are you in Seoul?

  13. How To Deal With Loud Sex In Hotels?

    Best policy is to join in and try to get the whole hotel involved.

    Barring that: ask for another room – a suite.

  14. I feel like I owe you guys an update. Once the festivities were done I overheard their conversation. He paid, explained it was his first time being blindfolded and handcuffed and that he LOVED it, and said he wanted to see her again.

    He walked her outside to the hallway, and I saw them both.

  15. geesh, for someone living in hotels, you’d think you have this covered. here ya go:
    http://rain.simplynoise.com/

    combine that with the calming realization that they are probably (blissfully) unaware of how loud they are and that they (he) are statistically not the norm in terms of endurance- by a long shot. turn up the rain, tip your hat and change rooms tmr…

  16. missed your last comment:

    see. i bet your first experimentation with bdsm was noisy too! ;o

    frankly, it’s kind of inspiring in an age where all too often customer service and a strong work ethic is lacking; clearly the hooker next door delivered. makes me a little misty eyed…

  17. This has happened to me a few times over the years. Here is the menu. I’ve taken two of the options over time. 😉

    1) Ask to join (particularly if it is already three or more).
    2) Ask for an alternate room.
    3) Go out for a bit.
    4) Ignore it.

  18. Do anything except “ask for security” – the person who does that is a jealous, whining nincompoop who can’t get any. “Authority” should be called if you see blood, not if someone is getting off.

  19. You could shout “Go on my son” or “there she blows” just prior to a great crescendo.

  20. Had this several times (not always the daddy type of stuff though). What I always do is call their room and once they pick up the phone you just give them a oneliner to think about. In this case it’s easy, just start by saying “this is daddy on the phone….”
    Most of the times it’s just a matter of breaking their moment!!

  21. I’ve run into this a couple of times. In the end, it’s the hotel management’s responsibility to resolve the issue, either by telling them to shut up or putting one of the two of you in another room. I’d gladly accept a rove move in this situation; yes, it’s a pain to pack everything up, but once it’s all done I’m calm and can sleep. One time I arrived in the Bay Area off a flight from London I was given a room above a ballroom where a wedding reception was going on–I packed my own things preemptively and took them all to the lobby where I just laid it out for management: I’m jet lagged, I have to work tomorrow, I’ve already packed up my stuff, please just give me a room as far as possible from the party. It worked.

  22. Weep loudly like Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Not because you’re actually sad. Or play those horror porn like Christian Bale in American Psycho. Crank that to 11.

  23. This happened to me last night too. Second time it’s happened in Tokyo. I had a terrible day and that was not a great end to it. I eventually just fell asleep, I can sleep through anything, including firefights!

  24. Back in 2006 I traveled to Boston with a stay at the Lennox Hotel. My connecting flight was canceled and I missed an important business dinner. I finally got to the hotel around 9:30 p.m. The room I was given had a broken A/C and it was hotter than blazes in the room. Around 11:00 p.m. I was moved to a different room. I was exhausted.

    After checking e-mail and taking a shower I climbed into bed around midnight. Not 10 minutes later the couple in the next room got real busy. Lots of bed banging against the wall stuff and her moaning “Oh, God, Oh God.” I tried going back to sleep but the couple next door were getting louder.

    I walked over to the common wall and banged on it loudly, announcing: “This is God. It’s late; I’m tired; and you’re pissing me off. Now shut up and go to sleep.”

    Not a peep from them the rest of the night.

  25. I just leave a note – slip it in to the key card reader or slide it in between the door and door jamb so it will fall down and be visible when they open the door next. Insinuate she was faking it. Even if there’s no reaction you observe, you know the dude will second guess himself.

  26. last month I stayed at a hotel in Memphis. There was a fraternity formal that weekend.
    I walked in on a couple having sex in the gym. It was gross. I didn’t work out that trip. I called the front desk.

  27. I don’t have a big problem with it unless it’s after 10pm. After that time I call the front desk. It’s a noise issue. Minor noises I use a white noise app on my iphone which works great!

  28. My first thought was that it must have been a hooker servicing multiple clients. Now seen your update so that explains a lot.

    We recently had a noise experience in a resort in the Philippines. Some local weekend visitors staying at the hotel on a Saturday night. They stayed in the room above us. The kids played with a ball bouncing it around and stomping their feet as they were running through the room. At 11pm my girlfriend contacted reception to ask if they could speak to the occupants to be a bit more quiet. The receptionist sent the night manager to OUR room and he told us that the other occupants are also paying guests and they can do what they want.

    I spoke to the resort manager the next day and he was adamant it should have been resolved that night…but by then the damage was done. Didn’t sleep a wink thill 3am (in a country where a normal day starts at 6am)

  29. This happened to me (not the marathon overly loud sex) in Vegas recently. More power to them… Yes, it was a little bit annoying but I knew they couldn’t go forever….So I just tuned it out and went to sleep.

    But…call security? No thanks. I can’t see using force to solve my problem (which is likely temporary) which might cause them even more problems, like eviction.

  30. I’ve had the same experience when I was staying at the W Westwood a few years back. The sex was so loud and it went on for hours. I called security at the very end because the moaning and screaming was so bad that I was sure he was murdering her. I got points and my dinner comped without even asking, which was a nice gesture.

  31. We lived in a loft in downtown Atlanta, the wall that split our old building in half was paper thin. We heard everything from the girl next door, using the restroom, sex, talking. We realized we had little recourse and very loud events didn’t happen all that often. She moved out, my wife was home during the daytime. We put our piano on that wall and whenever the place was shown she’d go play something. It sat vacant for months! I know this doesn’t really help in a hotel but hey, your situation could be MUCH worse!

  32. abby said: “frankly, it’s kind of inspiring in an age where all too often customer service and a strong work ethic is lacking; clearly the hooker next door delivered. makes me a little misty eyed.”

    You win the thread!

  33. @ abby – do you blog? Your comment was awesome! 😀

    @ lucky – when you saw them, you should’ve asked when they are going to meet again to determine whether you need to request a room change. “Excuse me, Mr./Ms. Manager, could you please move me to a different room because guest in Room #### is going to have a professional companion over again tomorrow and I’d prefer not to be disturbed by their hours-long sexcapades.” 😛

  34. I had this happen to me in Stamford CT of all places. I should have known a “contemporary” hotel in downtown translates to hook up central. The walls were super thin in this hotel and the next door Russian couple really enjoyed going at it for about 3 hours. About 45 minutes in I want to congratulate them that they didn’t have a heart attack already. It sounded exhausting. Seriously, incredible stamina. Shortly there after I fell asleep… definitely with a smile on my face and eager to tell my co-workers the next day. 🙂

  35. Actually had it twice already with my neighbors in casablanca, Teneriffe (where I still am), asked the neighbors to be more silent the next time, after they were done, and just went to the pool during it, pretty quiet there at 1 am. Good that I am here for vacation…

  36. Ok, this is way behind…just reading this now really. I’ve been on the other end. I did a little staycation thing with my partner in the nicest part of town. We weren’t intentionally being loud at 3:30AM. We were both a bit drunk, and maybe a little bit too verbal.

    We were at a nice hotel in Beverly Hills, and they addressed the issue in a nice way. I’m sure someone complained (I probably would have too), they called the room, let the phone ring once, and then ended the call. It was just enough to shake us out of our little zone. I was a little embarrassed, but they accomplished their goal in a smooth and efficient manner.

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