The most, gaudy, obnoxious, and awesome f*&^$&# flight of my life!

Update: Times have changed, and it’s now actually relatively easy to redeem miles for Emirates first class. That doesn’t make this particular flight any less awesome or amazing though. 😉


*&^# @!$*&# #&^$!

As y’all know I flew to London last night on British Airways and for reasons I can’t explain am typing this from a first class suite on an Emirates Airbus 380 bound for Dubai.

Look, I’ve done a fair bit of premium travel in my life.

I think I’ve flown first class on just about every one of the world’s top rated carriers.

I’ve even flown Qatar Airways (supposedly the “world’s five star airline”) and Etihad Airways, the two other big players in the Middle East. I wasn’t all that impressed by either carrier, so didn’t have high expectations of Emirates.

Emirates is literally in a league of their own.

They’re the most obnoxious airline I’ve ever flown by a long shot… and I’m loving every damn second of it!

I mean, this is an airline that has a built in vanity mirror at your seat. Because, ya know, who doesn’t love looking at themselves the whole flight with “star” lights on the border?

Each suite has more gold finishes than the mouths of the entire rap community.

You think the flight attendant introduces herself by saying “hi, I’m Jane, I’ll be taking care of you?”

Nope, more like “Mr. Lucky, my name is Jane, and it’s my absolute privilege to be serving you today. If you need anything at all don’t hesitate to let me know.”

Fancy some Dom or Johnnie Walker Blue Label?

Who needs that when you have your own retracting, lit up minibar consisting of VOSS water, Coke, Diet Coke, Perrier, 7-UP, and orange juice.

And forget caviar or Arabic mezze – you have your own snack basket with Pringles, Mars, Toblerone, shortbread cookies, mints, granola bars, and dried mango.

Most comical of all has to be that they have to remove it during takeoff, so they literally put it out during boarding for show, and then bring it back after takeoff (again, for show, because I don’t think anyone actually eats that stuff).

Now let’s talk about showers.

Emirates has two onboard spa suites, and a dedicated attendant for them.

And it’s friggin ridiculous.

The floors are heated.

Let me say that again – the floors in the shower room are heated! There’s even a bench in the shower in case there’s turbulence.

There are enough toiletries in there to start a resale business too.

After that shower I think my life peaked.

I mean, is there anything else in life worth experiencing after that?

I was literally giggling like a little girl the entire time I was in the shower, and wanted to cry when I was done. I was like the guy in those Viagra commercials (in terms of how happy I was, not… well, nevermind).

And of course just making a fully flat bed seven miles up in the sky wouldn’t be enough. That would be barbaric.

Instead there’s a flower and box of Godiva chocolates on the pillows.

And speaking of sleeping, a fully flat bed wouldn’t do the trick, would it? I thought not, because there are also stars on the ceiling.

And last but not least, maybe my favorite feature…

I really don’t know what to do with myself.

All I want to do for the rest of my life is fly Emirates first class.

I’m about to cry, as there are only 90 minutes left in this flight. Okay, maybe I need to slow down on my Dom consumption…

If you’d like to follow along even more closely (since wifi has meant that I’ve spent 90% of this flight online, feel free to follow me on Twitter or add me as a friend on Facebook).

And of course you can expect a full trip report soon.

Thanks to everyone that has followed along with this little journey so far. It’s only getting started!

About lucky

Ben Schlappig (aka Lucky) is a travel consultant, blogger, and avid points collector. He travels about 400,000 miles a year, primarily using miles and points to fund his first class experiences. He chronicles his adventures, along with industry news, here at One Mile At A Time.

More articles by lucky »

Comments

  1. After my trip in EK F, I dubbed it “Nouveau Riche Bling Airways.” And I loved it, too. Glad you had a good experience!

  2. I was in the Emirates a couple of days ago. Our car was over taken by a fully blinged, gold leaf plated land cruiser. (I am curious to try that shower)

  3. Your travel life is now ruined.. No more pedestrian domestic first class.. I look forward to all future domestic reviews from Amtrak staterooms. 😛

  4. I was like the guy in those Viagra commercials

    You’re sure you banned Frank, right?

    Anyways, cheers and safe travels with champagne and caviar dreams…

  5. OK, I’ve been reading your blog for awhile, but this has to be the trip report to top all trip reports. Oh wait, I think you mentioned it’s not even the full trip report yet. The “real time” in-flight updates were great. Looking forward to reading more 🙂

  6. This whole ordeal has occurred to me before in 2010 when London was snowed in and they put me on the IAH – DXB – DEL. Probably is weather related more than anything. I see that London is shrouded in fog.

  7. Oh wow! And this is just a teaser? It will be trouble if we get used to this. Will the flight attendant here top your SIA encounter?

  8. good thing you did not have the shower water flow time out on you while you were in such a giddy mood.

    🙂

  9. Lol. Lucky’s giddy excitement clearly comes across to the reader all throughout this post. 😀

    Good stuff!

  10. Love the live updates Lucky great to read, I don’t know why you didn’t get the Iphone out to show us the showering working, and you too could have had 60,000 hits on youtube.

  11. but I love dried mangoes. . .
    Enjoy the sun! I had to drive through Bellevue today and the rain was miserable.

  12. Now I have an ultimate trip goal. With my luck they would code share the flight at the last minute over to a US air 767

  13. This is amazing!! And I’m loving the live blogging/tweeting. Can I fold myself into your carryon and come along on your trips? I don’t weigh much, I promise? 😉

  14. My dad got an op-up to Emirates F last year. Like you, he thought it was all way over the top. But he can also be a grouch. I think he’d be most happy if they’d just put in a bed and leave him alone.

  15. dear lucky,

    It is a wonderful trip for you. I have a question about BA companion ticket. Is this emirate segment part of redemption? I think BA companion can only be used in BA flight. Thanks!

  16. Such fun! I haven’t flown the product but did see full scale model to test at the GBTA convention a few years ago and it was insane! I get jealous every time an employee travels this flight

  17. sounds like you had an emotional trip considering how you laughed yourself silly in the shower and now you want to cry at the end of your flight.

    Emirates really goes full out with their F product and sets the bar high. Guess Lufty will have to take a life lesson or two right?

  18. From the pictures, it looks like the showers are located at the same spot as the LH first class bathrooms on the A380, is that about right?

  19. Did you mean “obnoxious” or “ostentatious”? It sure seems like you meant the latter! Wow, what an amazing ride. Thanks for sharing the experience.

  20. It will be interesting to see how it compares to SQ’s suite, which seems to have a more understated elegance.

    Once knock on EK’s suite design, you can’t have somebody sit across from you during meals…

  21. what a hideously decorated plane.

    it looks donald trump went to the dollar store and bought a lot of shiny plastic trinkets.

    cool shower, though.

  22. @ Vincente — It was entirely a la carte. They had a ton of dinner options, and you could eat what you want when you wanted.

    @ Carl — Trying out the Grosvenor House.

  23. congrats. I flew the EK A380 F HKG-BKK a couple of weeks ago. I was a bit disappointed by the lack of storage space. And the ICE system is frankly a bit tough to figure out, but once you do it is awesome!

  24. Sounds amazing! Obnoxious though has to be the most misused word in America. Dont hear it any where else in the world and I can’t see how it applies in this situation! Ostentatious yes, obnoxious no.

  25. Oh, poor Ben. How you must have suffered! As others have noted, we sure know what gets you excited and I’ll look forward to the full review in time. (And yes, let us also remember that any ‘problems’ are about as First-World as can be.)
    I’ve made one (long) trip in BC on an EK A380, also an unexpected accident. The soft product was superior to all but the top two or three genuine FC rides of my experience. EK caters to PAX that want FC, have no concept of the true value of money and pocket a handsome profit when even half of the FC and BC seats are revenue seats; they can *afford* to turn it up a bit and they do. Although only BC, the food and personal service on my EK, BC flight was one of the two best that I’ve ever experienced.
    Let’s not forget that they often abuse their female employees, knowing that even with the abuse, most come from far less comfortable backgrounds and believe themselves honored to kiss some ass for a few years – and most are ‘released’ from their contracts well short of ten years. I may work for a flight in seat 2A, but EK still seems to consider their employees as a disposable commodity. I’m delighted to hear that you had a grand time and I’ll await the full review. Easy on the DOM when flying and writing…

  26. Ben, What does a BA Companion Pass have anything to do with this please?

    Many Thanks!

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