How to make any (somewhat intelligent) TSA agent crack a smile…

The next time you’re at a TSA checkpoint and opting for a patdown in lieu of the full body scanner (aka nude-o-scope), consider trying this out if you’re a guy:

Transportation Security Officer: “I’m going to be running my hand up your inner thigh until I reach the area of resistance. Do you have any sensitive areas I need to know about?”

You: “Yes, my resistance sack.”

If they’re smart enough to process this (which isn’t necessarily a given), they’ll at least crack a smile. I read that on FlyerTalk a few weeks ago and have tried it a few times, and the reaction has been priceless.

Comments

  1. Nice one, must’ve missed that one in that thread. I was just thinking, “Yes, my area of resistance.”

  2. I absolutely hate the mission creep of the TSA, nor do I agree with many of their policies. Much of Gary’s analysis has been spot-on.

    But the airport screeners do not make policy and do not seem to have any impact on policy, so I don’t see the point in subjecting them to these remarks.

    I just try to get through the process as quickly as possible while being polite.

  3. @ Carl — It’s intended to be humorous, and frankly, most TSA agents have at least chuckled at it. They realize how ridiculous it is to say “area of resistance,” and I’m just pointing it out.

    @ Eric — “Everybody wins.” Yep, including the terrorists.

  4. At TPA a few weeks ago I was wearing my baggy cargo shorts, and I guess the body scanner didn’t like the plethora of pockets, so the guy had to pat down my shorts, though only on the outter leg area. Without my belt they sort of sagged a bit and he said something about not wanting to have my shorts drop.

    A female TSA critter was, I guess, standing watch and I THOUGHT she said this phrase “I can hold on to them!” Though after I thought about it, I think she said “YOU can hold on to them” For a moment I thought I was being picked up, and not in the suspected-terrorist sort of way! 🙂

  5. My standard response is “I don’t have a resistance. My mama told me that I have testicles and a penis. Is that what you’re going to touch?”

    Usually shut’s ’em up for a while…

  6. So, according to the TSA Study at

    http://www.tsa.gov/approach/tech/ait/safety.shtm

    Millimeter wave technology produces radiation 1/1000 of that of a single cell phone call.

    Backscatter technology produces the same ammount of radiation as two minutes on an airplane..

    So, it seems that folks are more willing to get groped by some stranger than they are absorb the same radiation as a thousand cell phone calls, or the equivalent of flying an extra ten miles on the airplane.

    Just a thought.
    Eric

  7. @Eric, the best hospitals sometimes make mistakes calibrating their x-rays, leading to harmful overdoses. You think the TSA can do better than that?

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