Five signs you’re in for a long flight…

…and yeah, sadly these are all true. I’ve experienced them firsthand.

  1. Your seatmate tells you how her daughter, who is seated across the aisle, is a huge slut. She then asks if you’re single. No thanks, mom!
  2. You sit next to a young female in first class who’s a non-rev and is very interesting to talk to. You later find out that her dad is a pilot you know. You’re then asked if you know a certain flight attendant. Amazingly enough, you do. When asking why, you’re told it’s because her dad cheated on her mom with this flight attendant. Good to know!
  3. Your seatmate (who is in the window seat while you’re in the aisle) on a redeye gets food poisoned and proceeds to nearly pass out, only to crap in his pants. Once he changes his pants and is good to go, you ask if he’ll be ok. The response is “yeah, but I might have to use the bathroom a few more times.” So much for getting any sleep!
  4. A fellow passenger pisses off the flight attendants. No, really. Learn from her. Urinating (a lot) in the rear galley of a 757 isn’t a good idea. Neither are drugs and copious amounts of alcohol before boarding a flight, unless you enjoy being met by cops upon landing.
  5. And of course, as I was griping about last week, the passengers seated across from you are making out, while the male passenger attempts to “massage” himself.

Gosh, I could go on and on, but those were a few of my favorites. Anyone have any to add?

About lucky

Ben Schlappig (aka Lucky) is a travel consultant, blogger, and avid points collector. He travels about 400,000 miles a year, primarily using miles and points to fund his first class experiences. He chronicles his adventures, along with industry news, here at One Mile At A Time.

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Comments

  1. In pre-911 days witnessing a shouting match between a passenger who is your seatmate and a flight attendant. Then having the FBI visit your office to interview you about the event, as they have been investigating this person for quite some time and were looking for anything to change them with…

  2. 1)I had to take a Southwest flight the other day (yikes) from BWI to PVD and the FA did the safety announcements as a rap with a cigarette in her mouth.

    2)On a flight from MIA to Key West on a ATR 72, the weather was not pretty outside with bad T-storms. The FA gets on the PA to make the announcements and said I hope no one gets motion sickness because this flight is going to really bumpy. She said on the previous flight from Key West that she threw up twice and she does never done that in 20 years as an FA. We never her saw up for our flight as it was a wild one.

    3)On a CO flight from BOS to HOU, I get to my seat and there was a POS sitting in the middle seat and most of my aisle seat. He starts freaking out that someone is going to sit on either side of him in what he called “the me zone”. I got a nice upgrade to 1st and that guy got his me zone.

  3. Was just flying LAX-NRT in C last week and had a POS (extremely fat) in the seat next to me. He drank quite a bit as soon as service started. About an hour later he passed out, sleeping on his belly. Got the whole butt crack view for the whole cabin. He started snoring loudly and immediately passing gas that was so noxious (pig farms are nice in comparison) that I spent the rest of the flight trying to talk to the FAs in the galley area as they had not other seat for me. One FA even took a picture. By far the worst experience I ever had. Wonder if I am due any compensation.

  4. Sat next to a passenger who obsessively would lift the window shade, look outside for 10 seconds, then slam the shade back down, returning to his movie player. Repeat every 30-60 seconds for four hours, until mercifully, we passed into darkness and it lost his interest.

  5. The biggest PITA is THE LOUD TYPER. (“Must..hear…button click for total satisfaction!”) Second biggest is “MR. IPOD MUSIC MAN”.

    Note that the two often go hand in hand.

  6. Was flying JFK-NRT in Business (my first non-coach international flight!) when I noticed the passenger in the middle row directly behind me vomit all over himself, the seat, the floor, and the seat in front of him. He seemed perfectly content to sit in his own sick without any attempt to clean up. Eventually he was asked to leave the flight which he did begrudgingly.

    On my return flight from NRT, guess who just happened to be seated behind me again? That’s right, Mr. Projectile Vomiting. Wearing the SAME pair of pants, distinct not only from their loud purplish tint but now the copious amounts of fluid stains that only I knew was from his own upchuck. When he didn’t commence vomiting prior to take off, that’s when I knew it was gonna be a long flight.

  7. Since there was no storage space above my C seat, passengers whose bags were placed there were kind enough to move them, so I could use the space. I then struggled to get my bag into the overhead C bin. My seat mate comes along and without asking, simply places both of his bags in and filling up all of the overhead space even though he had seen me attempting to get my bags in the bins. This is simply rude. Then the guy has the audacity to try and start a conversation with me. I had enough and located another open window seat and moved.

  8. It was a 9+ hours international flight. I was in business class, and seated in front of me was a married couple who, obviously, was not going to be married much longer. For a majority of the flight they argued to the level of almost getting into physical confrontation. While this might have been a good replacement for inflight entertainment in some circumstances, this was not one of them. The multiple tosses of drinks in each others faces, which splashed onto yours truly, and throwing of magazines at each other created quite a disturbance. While the husband was in the restroom the wife filled his carryon with her inflight meal. When he returned to his seat, he proceeded to clean out his bag by dumping the food in the aisle. It wasn’t until the flight attendants forced the wife to change seats and refused any additional drinks (including water) that things quieted down. But, they didn’t step in until an hour before arrival.

  9. Flying C class with my husband and son last year on a UA 777 bird FRA-SFO. My son and I we are seated at the window and aisle, behind us was a 7 year old terror name Harry at the window, his 12 year old brother. In the row behind them at the window seat was their mother (how convenient) and next to her was another teenage son. By the time we got off the flight I wanted to murder Harry and his oblivious and inconsiderate mother. Harry watched his personal DVD player without headphones, he got up repeatedly to visit the mid-flight snack cart and was sure to grab my seat each time, he refused to eat the C class meal offerings and was served an F class meal, he yelled at his poor brother, who was nothing but wonderful and accommodating to him the entire flight. His mother never intervened or corrected him once. Actually, she did correct him once during one of his numerous yelling spells. It was awful and then and there I made the decision never to step foot on UA 777 again. Having my head at Harry’s feet for hours on end was more than my fragile nerves could bear.

  10. I would LOVE situation #1 to happen to me. What red-blooded male wouldn’t? Mile high, baby!

  11. LOL. Seriously out loud to poster #6 Ed and post #8 – I did a double take when you said he was asked to leave the flight :). It sounded like it was mid-flight when the vomiting was going on.

    Ewwww, thank fully I have had none of these issues. Phew!

  12. On a Southwest flight from SFO-DEN, I was reading and trying to filter out the conversation the two men next to me were having. At some point, I realized that they were friends, and one of them was a convicted sex offender. Their conversation was something along the lines of “how do you handle it when your neighbors pre-teen daughters come outside, there’s really nothing to see when they’re that age, and does their dad know about it.” Yech!

  13. Ben, Do you have a picture of the daughter? Just in case she’s on a flight I’m on.

  14. @ Smooth Rob @ Angus @ Posting Anonymously Today — Sorry, I forgot to mention she was FOURTEEN! How does that make you guys feel? 😉

  15. Does lucky relish posting stuff that will perpetuate the debate about his sexuality? =)

    And lucky, seriously, I think most of these guys would be even more turned on by the fact that was was 14 and being pimped out by her parents.

  16. in dallas a doctor with a big grin on his face told me he was married to a flight attendant after i told him i dated a few of them, how can a guy smart enough to be a doctor be dumb enough to marry a sky slut.

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