What a unique morning of flying it has been. It started off with TPA-IAD, where I had one of those pursers that has to say everything in “baby talk,” which annoys the living hell out of me. “You’re all such good little passengers, thanks for boarding so quickly and stowing your bags sooooo well, you really did a great job,” or “we’re just one, big, happy cabin, so there are no curtains.” Without a doubt the most obnoxious announcements in the world. Or so I thought.
Then I hop on my IAD-ORD flight. I had one of the most loudmouth, indiscrete, yappy pursers ever, yet I found her to be borderline professional. She reminded me a bit of Gretta Van Susteren before she made the switch to Fox. First of all, she gave the loudest exit row briefing I’ve ever witnessed. As it turns out a lady in the exit row window seat was deaf, so she needed to be reseated. This was right as we were pushing back, and the purser literally yells, nearly at the top of her lungs “GET OUT NOW. MOVE! LET’S GO! NOW!” Then she tried to find a replacement to sit in her seat, and several people volunteered, although they didn’t know whether or not they were supposed to get up or not. She literally yells “SOMEONE GET UP RIGHT NOW AND TAKE THAT SEAT. NOW. MOVE!!!!” Holy crap, I thought the plane was being…. well, ya know.
The funniest part had to be as we’re approaching ORD, given that we were 30 minutes late. Once in a while you’ll hear flight attendants kindly ask that passengers without connections stay seated, so those with connections can make their flights. Oh no, not this flight attendant. She took that drill to a new level, as she stood in front of the plane with the PA: “Listen up, we’re going to have a team building exercise, and we’re all going to be on the winning team. We’ll have the sitters and the movers. If you don’t have a connection you WILL stay seated until EVERYONE that has a connection before 12:15PM is off. And I mean EVERYONE. I grew up with seven brothers, so don’t try anything funny.” I swear she goes on to give at least a three to four minute speech about the exact procedure we’ll follow for deplaning, including everyone having to raise their hands. The funniest part had to be that if someone in a window seat has a connection, they should have the people in the aisle and middle stand up while the window gets out, and then the other two MUST sit down again.
I can’t say I liked her, but at the same time I can’t say I didn’t. She was just so different.